The Mini Slash Ficlets of DOOOOOOOM!
by TheSuperSvenites
Summary: They're silly, they're shameless, and most of them were written in third period math. Come enjoy the fun!
1. Elrond and Eomer

We don't own this stuff, and this disclaimer applies for every chapter unless otherwise specified.

Let us tell you from the start, some people are _not_ going to like these. They're dumb and downright ridiculous, but infinitely entertaining. Basically, they make fun of the slashfics which are sooooo incredibly angsty... not that we haven't written any of those ourselves...  
  
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Elrond was walking around Rivendell when this dude with a ponytail fell from the sky. He jumped up and said, "I'm Éomer, and I just fell from the sky." Elrond blinked. "I'm Elrond, and I'm lonely." Éomer walked toward him and said, "We have both suffered much." Elrond said, "True that. Let's shag." Then they shagged.  
  
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So that's how they work. All reviews are accepted. Positive reviews will reassure us that we aren't alone in the world, and flames will be used to burn the souls of the innocent, or toast marshmallows, depending on whether or not we feel like s'mores.


	2. Bill the Pony and Shadowfax

And now for round 2!  
  
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Bill the Pony was wandering around the Shire when this white horse fell from the sky. He jumped up and cried and said, "I'm Shadowfax, Lord of All Horses. I'm lost, and have suffered much." Bill blinked. "I'm Bill, and I like macaroni." Then they shagged.


	3. Merry and Celeborn and Haldir

Merry was wandering around Lothlórien when he heard some rustling in the bushes. He pushed them aside to find Celeborn and Haldir shagging. They stopped and looked at him. Merry said, "You two are shagging." They said, "You have suffered much." Then they had an interspecies three-way shag.


	4. Peaches and Huan

Farmer Maggot's dog, Peaches, was walking through the woods, practicing his bark, when he heard howling from a tree. Then a huge wolf ghost jumped out of the trunk and said, "I'm Huan the hound. I am dead. Celegorm sucks, and I died. Carcharoth sucks." Peaches blinked. "You have suffered much." Then they shagged.... _doggy style_.


	5. Boromir and Lurtz

Boromir was at Amon Hen fighting Uruk-hai and crap like that. Then Lurtz came over the hill in slow motion. Their eyes met. Boromir said, "Whoa, you're buff." Lurtz said, "True that. Let's shag." Then they tried to shag, but Lurtz was asexual. Boromir said, "Ha ha, you're asexual." Then Lurtz killed him.


	6. Gimli and Aaron

This one brings in someone you probably won't recognize... Aaron. In our French Revolution video we resuced him from a cage (an upside-down laundry basket) in the Bastille (Mary's garage). Don't try and understand it.  
  
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Gimli was mining mithril in Moria when he found Aaron embedded in one of the walls. _"Aide-moi! Aide-moi!"_ Aaron screamed. Gimli said, "OK." Then he chipped him out of the wall. Aaron said, "Nice pick." Gimli said, "Thanks. Have a beer." Aaron said, "I have suffered much." Then they shagged.


	7. Treebeard and Gwaihir

Treebeard was walking around Fangorn when he decided to go ice skating. He went to the rink, put on his ice skates, and ice skated around the ice skating rink where other Ents were ice skating. He noticed a really big bird ice skating. He ice skated over and said, "You're a really big bird." It said, "I'm not a bird. I'm an eagle. My name is Gwaihir, and I like to ice skate." Treebeard blinked and took three days to say, "I'm Treebeard and I'm an Ent and I like to ice skate." Then they shagged.


	8. Rúmil and Shagrat

Now, this ficlet is different from the rest. While Mini Slash Ficlets 1-7 were written by ShelobTinuviel, this one was written as a joint effort, roughly one sentence at a time. For clarity, ST's sentences are in normal lettering, and EP41's are in bold.  
  
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Rúmil was in charge of keeping all the orcs out of Lothlórien, but he thought orcs weren't so bad. **One day he saw this orc running around screaming, "No euphemizing! None!"** He readied an arrow, aimed it at the hysterical orc, and shouted, "Halt! What business have you in Lórien? Halt, ho!" **The orc stopped and said, "What did you just call me, pansy?" **Rúmil then dropped his bow, his arrow, and his pants. **The orc said, "I'm Shagrat and I like scented oil, but you'd better not be euphemizing at me."** Rúmil laughed and started dancing around, saying, "Blow my horn! Unman me!" **Shagrat said, "Only if you shag me like a dirty rat... get it?"** Rúmil said, "That's not a euphemism, you tittery-woppet!" **Shagrat blinked and said, "Don't you tell me not to euphemize... but you are quite foxy."** Then they shagged. **Ew.  
  
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**Yeah... so that was weird. :-D


	9. Mike and the entire Elven army

Written by ElvenPirate41 on request from her dear friend. Who isn't Mike at all. Nope. Not one bit.

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One day Mike and the Rohirrim were at Helm's Deep, preparing for certain death. Mike was bummed because everyone was too busy getting read for battle and crap for a shag. Just as they were really thinking, "Holy shit, we're gonna get our asses kicked good here," and Mike was thinking, "Goddamnit, now I'm gonna die a friggin' virgin," a horn-call was heard outside the wall. In came Haldir and a bunch of elves, dressed tastefully in maroon. They totally blew past Théoden and Aragorn, and Haldir said to Mike, "Our journey has been long. We have suffered much. We're probably all going to die. D'you know where we can get a decent shag around here?" Mike took off his armor and revealed the lingerie he was wearing underneath. "Right here. Ain't nothing like a pre-hopeless-battle-orgy." "True that," said the entire elven army. Then they all shagged.


End file.
